


Young at Heart

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Endgame fix-it kinda, M/M, Old Bucky Barnes, Old Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Time Travel, post Endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-23 19:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20345470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve goes back to be with Peggy, but it's not what anyone thinks.  Bucky is angry.  Sam is angry.  Steve explains everything and gives Bucky a gift.





	Young at Heart

Bucky leans against a tree watching the shield go from Steve’s hand to Sam’s. That makes him happy; Sam will be an amazing Captain America. As Sam walks past him, Bucky gives him a second nod and a half smile. Bucky looks at the man sitting on the bench. He doesn’t know this guy, doesn’t want to know this guy. Somewhere in there is the friend he used to have, the one that would never have done what this guy did.

“You just going to stand there, jerk?” The voice isn’t even the same.

“No.” Bucky turns and walks away. Whatever this guy wants from him, he doesn’t have it to give.

Sam and Bruce watch from the tree line surrounding the platform. Sam doesn’t know which one to go to. Bruce pushes him in the direction that Bucky went and heads to the bench where Steve is still sitting. As he carefully sits next to the man that 5 minutes ago was young, he can’t miss the confused look on the man’s face.

As Sam gets to the driveway, Bucky speeds by on Steve’s old bike, leaving Sam holding the shield. He hangs his head. This is going to be bad.

It isn’t until a month later that Sam finally finds Bucky working construction at the Compound site. The team can’t be there because of the cleanup, so no one thought to look. Sam’s there because they got a call that some personal items had been found and he’s retrieving them for whoever they belong to. He isn’t expecting to find Bucky wearing a hardhat and lifting crumbling concrete walls.

“What are you doing here, Barnes?” The man doesn’t look up, doesn’t seem to care that they’ve been looking everywhere for him.

“Earning an honest day’s pay.” He keeps working, not giving a second look to Sam.

“You’re an enhanced human. Don’t you think your skill set could be used somewhere else?”

“I don’t do that anymore.” Bucky thought about it long and hard; what he wanted to do and since he is an enhanced human, this kind of work doesn’t tire him out and he feels that he’s found a part of himself again. That same part that used to work down at the docks.

Sam watches him and something about the ex-assassin is content. “You know he’s still here, right?”

Bucky still doesn’t stop what he’s doing or look up. It’s only been a month, but at least part of him has come to terms with all of this. “Not my business.”

Sam just shakes his head. “If it’s anyone’s business, it’s yours.”

That makes him stop, looking up at the man that could have been his friend, maybe even was his friend, but now the sight of him makes Bucky furious. “He abandoned me Wilson!” Sam starts to talk, but Bucky stops him. “No!” The men around him stop too, watching with interest. “You don’t get to come here and argue his case! He said til the end of the line, but what he really meant was until he could desert me and go back to her! Go home Wilson and keep my whereabouts to yourself. He was pretty clear that I’m not worth staying for, so anything I owed him is paid in full!”

As Sam leaves he hears one of the other guys pat Bucky’s back and tell him, “Don’t let that son of a bitch get to you. You’re worth more than that.”

Bucky tries to smile. “Thanks Mike.”

Sam returns to the make-shift facility an hour later to find Steve reading Morgan a story. She’s fallen asleep, but he keeps reading. He looks up at his friend and knows something significant has happened. “You found him didn’t you?”

Sam nods and walks away, calling over his shoulder. “You’re a son of a bitch, Rogers.”

Steve finds him later, in the gym, punching like Steve used to do when he first came out of the ice. “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Between punches, Sam grunts and tries to talk. “Not…really…too…pissed…at…you…”

Steve leans against the wall, arms over his chest, assessing the situation. “You know why he left like he did.”

Sam stops punching, hanging his arm from the bag, sweat rolling down his face. “Yeah, I do and if he’s not in therapy right now, he better get into it for how screwed up you’ve made this situation.”

“Sam, I’m his oldest friend, you need to tell me what this is about.” Old Steve is a real asshole because he treats everyone like he has all the answers. He’s gone from headstrong to condescending.

“Fuck you, Steve!” Sam turns around, grabbing a towel out of his bag. Turning back to the older man, he practically sneers. “If he’s your oldest friend, why the hell did you abandon him? Why did you leaving send him the message that he’s not worth your time? Why did you leaving send the message that til the end of the line was just until you were tired of him? Answer that smart man.” He picks up his bag and walks out of the gym. He’s sure that in a few days, he’ll be able to talk to Steve again, but right now, all he can think about is Bucky and how he must be feeling. Then, Sam stops as his hand lands on the handle of his car door. Bucky’s acting….

Broken-hearted…

“Well son of a bitch.” Sam gets in his car and drives toward the city.

A few days later he heads back to the construction site with lunch. Bucky sees him get out of his car and Sam watches his shoulders slump. The same guy that had patted Bucky’s back the last time he was here comes towards Sam. “Listen man, he really doesn’t need this right now. It took him a couple of days to get over it and even dinner didn’t help.”

Mike is a big guy with dirty blond hair and brown eyes, but it’s the way he looks over at Bucky that has Sam pausing. “You like him.”

“What’s not to like. That a problem for you, buddy.” Mike squares his shoulders in challenge.

Sam puts his hands up to placate the other man. “Not at all, but he’s not in any condition right now to be with anyone.”

“Right now he’s my friend, but if someday he wanted more than that, I’d be open to it. He’s a good man, he just doesn’t see it yet.”

Sam extends his hand. “You’re a good man…”

Mike takes the offered hand. “Mike, Mike Doolan.”

Sam grins. “Sam Wilson and I just want to talk to him as a friend, and I brought him some lunch.”

Mike looks back over at Bucky. “We all know who you are, just don’t upset him.”

Sam nods and heads to Bucky. “Barnes, I brought lunch.” Bucky looks at him critically. “And no, I don’t want to talk about anything, I just want to feed you and remind you that we’re friends.”

Bucky’s halfway through the sandwich when he finally looks at Sam. “What are you really doing here?”

“You sure you want to talk about this?” Bucky nods. “I thought about what you said that day and I think I understand what’s happening.” Bucky quirks an eyebrow. “You’re in love with him.” Bucky starts to speak up, but Sam shakes his head. “Please don’t insult my intelligence by denying it.”

“I wasn’t going to, but I’m just hoping you didn’t tell him.”

“No, I didn’t tell him because he doesn’t deserve to know anything you don’t want him to know.” Sam shrugs. “But I want you to know something.” Bucky looks over. “Your worth isn’t determined by him. He did something incredibly selfish that he didn’t have the right to do. In the process of creating a new timeline so that he could have his happy ending, he forgot to think about the fact that you’ve been there for him his whole life. He just walked away from you and never looked back. That’s not something that, now that I understand it for what it is, I can forgive yet.”

“I don’t want you to be mad at him because of me. Come on Wilson, he’s your friend.” Sam sighs and Bucky waits for whatever he’s building up to say.

“I don’t pretend to know how all this time travel works and I understand that the guy that handed me the shield is the guy that I’ve known and followed for six years, but that guy also just walked away and lived like 80 years in a different place. In that timeline he and I may never have met. That means that he has vague memories of who I am and I got no clue who he is anymore, except that he’s a condescending asshole sometimes.” Sam takes a deep breath because even though he hasn’t acted like it, these have been a constant weight he’s been carrying around. Knowing Bucky’s feelings just cemented what Sam feels.

“Have you even considered what happened to the me in that timeline?” Sam looks at him confused. “If he went and rescued that me and that poor sap had to watch Steve and Peggy live their happy life, he probably wished for death because buddy, there isn’t a timeline where Bucky Barnes doesn’t love Steve Rogers.” Sam looks at him pained. “Or was he so busy living his happy life that he just left me there to be tortured. Think about it Sam, either way, in every timeline, I’m screwed over because I fell in love with my best friend.”

“Bucky?”

Both Bucky and Sam’s heads jerk around at the voice and Bucky looks at Sam in betrayal, but Sam’s face tells him that the man didn’t know Steve followed him. “How the hell did you find us?”

Steve smiles at Sam. “I put a tracker on your car.” Then he looks at Bucky. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sam watches as Bucky turns from horrified to pissed off. “Why the hell would I tell you? What difference would it have made? I wanted you, but you always wanted her. Walking away from me was easy for you and the message you sent by doin it, was received loud and clear.” Bucky grabs his hardhat and walks away towards his assigned section.

Surprisingly Steve catches his arm and turns him. “We need to talk.”

Bucky shakes his head. “You lost the right to demand anything from me when you abandoned me.” It’s another slap to the face and Steve looks shocked, he’s always been able to influence Bucky with a certain attitude or tone. “What’s the matter Steve, losing your touch?” Bucky sees the emotions playing across Steve’s face, he sees that Bucky is serious and doesn’t want to talk to him, squaring his shoulders, Bucky narrows his eyes. “You see Steve, I am in love with you, but I also know that I can’t keep letting my heart lead me. As much as I love you, I have to finally let you go or it’s going to kill me.”

They watch as Bucky goes back to work, lifting and throwing concrete into a truck. There’s not conversation for a long time when Steve finally speaks up. “I really screwed this up.”

Sam huffs a mirthless laugh. “Yeah man, you really did. I hope she was worth it because your memories of her are all you’ve got now.” He doesn’t really mean for it to come out as harsh as it does. “Listen, for you we were friends a long time ago, for me it was just weeks, but I don’t know you anymore.” He looks back at Bucky. “And it seems you never knew him at all.” Sam leave Steve standing there watching Bucky.

Bucky leaves his boots at the door of his small apartment heading to the shower. As the water cascades over his shoulders he wonders what this life will bring him. It feels good to work an honest day and get a decent paycheck at the end of every week, but he comes home, eats dinner, and sits in front of the TV with a book. It’s been a week since Steve came to the construction site and a week since he’s seen or talked to Sam.

Washing up, he wraps a towel around his waist and heads into the kitchen to heat up dinner. He’s not expecting the knock on his door and really hopes that it isn’t someone he doesn’t want to see. Dinner sits on the counter as he makes his way to the door. Mike’s eyes get huge at his lack of clothing and Bucky blushes. “Uh…hey…I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

Mike blushes too, but doesn’t stop his eyes from raking over Bucky’s exposed skin. Bucky isn’t as clueless as others might think, he knows that Mike likes him and for the first time he wonders why he’s been holding back. Mike’s a good guy, a guy that knows who Bucky’s been and doesn’t seem to care. “Yeah, obvi…” Before he can finish, Bucky pulls him into the apartment, closing the door, and pushing the man against it. He gives Mike a chance to object and when he doesn’t, Bucky attacks his mouth with his own.

Physical contact isn’t something Bucky has allowed himself since coming back and the affect is instantaneous. He goes from soft to hard in minutes of kissing the other man and if he’s judging correctly, Mike is right there with him. Pulling back, he drops the towel and walks toward the bedroom. “You comin?”

Mike watches that perfect ass he’s been dreaming about walk away, licking his lips, he follows. “Not yet, but I’m planning on it.”

Bucky chuckles and crawls on the bed, laying on his back and spreading his legs. “You’re wearing too many clothes for plowing me into next week, Mike.”

Mikes clothes hit the floor in record time and he hovers over Bucky, taking in the vast inches of skin. “You are fucking gorgeous, you know that?”

Before Bucky can respond, Mike lays fully on top of him, kissing up his neck and over the scars on his left shoulder. For the first time in a long time, the ex-assassin lets himself just feel and it’s good, so very good.

Sleeping with Mike, Bucky found, is easy. They have an unspoken agreement that right now, it can only be sex. This is two people that like each other as people, expending some restless energy sometimes. Bucky is honest right from that first night and Mike agrees to it, but Bucky can see it hurts him.

Steve sits at the table in his apartment at the temporary compound staring at the blank paper in front of him. He fucked up and instead of spending some time with his best friend, he’s alone. Picking up the pen, he starts the letter.

He knew at some point he would be going back. This was never meant to be a one way trip, but Steve thought that he would have had the chance to tell Bucky all of this in person instead of through a letter. There are other things he needed to say to and then finding out that this Bucky has always been in love with him nearly did him in. He questions his so called tactical genius if he never even suspected.

_Dear Sam,_

_I had a good life. You were right when you called me an asshole and a selfish bastard. I couldn’t keep going in this world when there was a long ago promise hanging out there. My life with Peggy was part of that promise, but there were things I didn’t tell you._

_Peggy and I led the Commandos on a mission and saved that Bucky from Hydra. He had the arm already, but not enough brainwashing had been done to make him forget. We brought him home and he lived across the street from us. Then one day he disappeared. Peg told me later that he’d come by while I was on a mission and told her goodbye. I know why. I haven’t seen him since._

_I’m going home Sam. I don’t know what the trip will do to me, but I need to go home. There’s something I didn’t take care of before I left and it’s past time to fix that. After I fix that I have to find that Bucky. There are things I didn’t tell you, things that if you knew might have made all this easier. _

_I’m leaving here at 16:30 today. I need you to be at the platform at 16:30 tomorrow. If I fix what I need to, he’ll need someone there waiting that can fill him in on what’s going on._

_Thank you for everything, you’ve been a good friend even when I made it hard._

_Steve_

Sam finds the letter when he returns later that night. Reading through it several times, he runs for his car. Whatever that crazy son of a bitch is doing, Bucky needs to know. Mike’s truck isn’t at Bucky’s which is probably good. Bucky answers the door, bleary eyed and confused. “Sam?”

Instead of talking, he thrusts the letter into Bucky’s hands. “Just read.”

His eyes scan the page then looks up at Sam confused and worried. “What the hell is he doing?”

“I have no idea, but you need to take the day off tomorrow because whatever this is, I ain’t doin it alone.” Sam pours a drink and sits on the sofa. “I expected to find Mike here.”

Bucky throws himself into the armchair. “Uh…yeah…he probably won’t be back.”

Sam lowers his head and shakes it. “What did you do?”

Bucky is silent, gets up to get a drink, and stares out the window. “I called him Steve.”

Sam doesn’t mean to chuckle, it just comes out and Bucky turns on him with a glare. He raises his hands in defeat. “Look man, I’m sorry, but please tell me it wasn’t…” Bucky’s look of guilt tells him he did. “Oh hell man, while…” He waves towards the bedroom.

Bucky gets an evil glint. “Yes Sam, while he was plowing me into the mattress.” Sam looks stricken. Then sees something he wishes he didn’t. Bucky’s next words solidify his thoughts. “It should have hurt when he walked out, but it didn’t.”

“Still hung up on that asshole, huh?” Bucky just nods and gets them another drink.

The following day, they arrive at the platform and Bruce looks up guiltily. “Listen, he said he had to go home. He didn’t want me calling either of you.”

Sam holds up his hand. “Bruce, it’s okay. We were just told to be here.”

Bruce nods and starts flipping switches. “Returning in 3, 2, 1…”

The platform aligns and a figure appears. It reaches up and hits the button on the side of the helmet that melts away. Bucky, Sam and Bruce gape at the figure.

The figure leaps from the platform, dropping the case he carries and throws himself into Bucky’s arms. “Bucky?” He leans away, touching Bucky’s face and hair. Then pulls him back in, hugging even tighter. “Jesus, Buck.” The tears start and the words get jumbled together, but Bucky can understand him. “I saw you go off the side of the train. My whole world just…it just…it crashed around me.”

He sobs harder and Bucky can’t help but pull him closer. “Sssshhhhh…Stevie…it’s okay…I’m here.”

Steve leans away again, looking at him again. The tears tracking down his face pull at Bucky’s heart. He knows who this guy is and nothing that’s happened is his fault. “That man that said he’s me, but from here.” Steve examines him closer and Bucky feels embarrassed. “He reminded me of my da. From that picture…”

“That your ma had next to her bed.” Steve nods and throws himself back into Bucky’s arms. The ex-assassin holds him close. “Stevie, you’re going to need to explain more.”

Sam and Bruce are trying not to impose on whatever the hell this is, but they are getting impatient. Steve pulls away. “He came and got me out of the ice.” Bucky wants to throw something and Sam sees it. Placing his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, he squeezes. “He and another Bucky, but old. He said he was me, but I didn’t believe him until he showed me the scar.”

Bucky chuckles at that, causing this Steve to smile. “The one you got from the wine bottle in that alley in ’35.”

Steve nods. “He said that he’d really messed up and I needed to fix it.” Steve turns to Sam and Bruce. He extends his hand. “You must be Sam. He told me you’d be my friend and teach me about this world.” He looks up at Bruce and grins. “You’re Bruce. I’m happy to meet you.” Bruce shakes his hand too. “Anyway, you look good. You…your hair is nice long.” He starts to reach up, but stops himself. The blush is the giveaway for Sam.

“Steve, you said that older you and older Bucky got you out of the ice.” Steve nods, still blushing. “And they were there together?” He nods again, but looks at the ground. “Anything you need to add to that, maybe?”

Bucky just keeps staring at this man, who knows him, who is Steve in every way, who is looking at him with a flushed face and doing that nervous thing. He’s biting the inside of his cheek. “Steve?”

“Is it really 2023?” They all nod. “And people can marry anyone they want?” More nodding then Bucky looks up stunned. “They were both wearing rings. I thought, at first, that they had wives at home, but turns out they…well they…”

“I’ll be damned.” Sam can’t believe this is all unfolding like this. “He went and found that Bucky and married him. Right age, same guy and sent you here.”

Bruce is the one that voices the concern. “How long have you been out of the ice, Steve?”

“Minus the time travel, about 2 weeks.” He looks at the ground like he’s expecting what happens next.

“That fucking bastard!” Bucky’s pacing around, trying to calm himself because this Steve isn’t at fault. “That selfish fucking…” Before he can continue the rant, Steve’s in front of him, taking his face, gently, and kissing him.

Sam and Bruce look at each other and turn away walking toward the temporary building. “How’s your day been Bruce?”

“Fine, just fine. How about you?” Their voices fade.

The two super soldiers part and Steve looks like he’s about to apologize. Bucky won’t let that happen. “If you are going to apologize because you didn’t really mean it, fine, but if you’re going to apologize because you don’t think I wanted it, save it.”

Steve blushes again. “I’ve been wantin to do that since I was about 12.”

He takes Steve’s hand leading him to the car. “The place I live isn’t big, but it’s home. We’re going to talk all of this through.” Steve takes his hand away and goes back for the case.

“I brought some stuff with me and some letters. You’re going to have to catch me up on everything.” He takes Bucky’s hand again. They smile at each other.

“We’ll stop for some Thai food on the way home.”

Steve looks confused. “Thai food?”

“Don’t worry, you’ll love it. The food is so much better now. Barely anything is boiled.” Steve chuckles and it’s Bucky’s turn to blush. God, if this is what he hopes, things are going to get really messy and Bucky can’t wait.

“OH MY GOD!” The first bite of the food and Steve looks like he’s in nirvana.

“Told you it was good.” Bucky had Steve shower and put him in a pair of pajama pants and a tee. They are going to have to hash all this out and as much as Bucky just wants to enjoy this, he’s got to know. “Tell me what happened.”

“I have the letters, if you want to just read them.” Steve’s eating like he hasn’t in months, humming around every bite.

Bucky just keeps smiling at him. It’s like he’s a kid again, but this time without any worries. “I don’t want to read his words, I want you to tell me.”

Steve looks up from the food and smiles around his fork. God Bucky’s in all kinds of trouble. If this guy has any idea how susceptible to any and all things Steve Rogers that Bucky is, he’s well and truly fucked. “He said he didn’t get me out of the ice because he didn’t want me to have to keep doing a job that I wasn’t sure I wanted to do.” Steve takes another bite and sighs. “It’s not that I don’t want to do the job, it’s just that…” He stops talking, looking up at Bucky, who nods. “When you went off the side of the train, I started questioning whether I was doin it for the greater good or was I doin it because I didn’t want you to leave me behind.”

“Steve that’s a load of bullshit and you know it. You’ve always had an overblown sense of duty.”

Steve’s nodding, but not looking at Bucky anymore. “Did it ever occur to you that I was picking all those fights to prove something to myself?” Bucky cocks an eyebrow in question. “I’ve known since I met you that I’m queer. I picked those fights to prove I wasn’t.”

Bucky puts his food aside and slides down the sofa. “Steve?”

“Some of them were for other reasons, but some of them were to make a point.” He gives a graceless snort. “Didn’t do a damn bit of good. The minute I heard you were taken, I ran off after you.” Bucky takes Steve’s food and sits it on the table.

Cupping Steve’s cheek, he turns the man to look at him. “When I looked up from that table and saw you standing over me, that’s when I knew. I knew there was something before that, but until that moment I didn’t know what it was.” He leans forward, pressing his forehead to Steve’s. “When I tell you that I’ve loved you my whole life, that’s what I mean cause that’s the moment my life started.”

He feels rather than sees Steve move because he closed his eyes somewhere along the way. The kiss is desperate in a way that Bucky understands. It’s not about wanting to make sure it’s all real, it’s needing to know the other is alive. Bucky ends up pressed back onto the sofa with Steve over him. “Tell me that this is okay. Tell me I’m not alone anymore.”

Bucky pants looking up into that face. The only face. “You’ll never be alone again. I’m here and I ain’t goin anywhere.”

This time when Bucky calls out Steve’s name while in bed, he hears his own name in answer. Steve holds himself inside of Bucky, kissing him deeply and never wanting to move. “Can we stay like this?”

Bucky chuckles. “You know we got distracted and didn’t finish talking?”

Steve snorts. “This was more important.” It’s Bucky’s turn to snort. “You think the foods still good?”

“You are a punk.” There’s no malice in his words and Steve just grins at him.

Bucky wakes later than normal the following morning. He can smell coffee and wonders how long it took Steve to figure out the coffee maker. Smiling, he gets up, finding his pj’s from last night and wanders down the hall. That’s when he hears the other voice.

Steve’s sitting at the table and Sam is cooking. That explains the coffee. He hovers just outside the kitchen listening. “You’re telling me that that bastard had the chance to stay here with Bucky and just walked away?” There’s a huff from the direction of the stove. “I mean, after everything that I’ve read, Bucky went through hell and came out of it and he just left him.”

Sam sounds resigned when he finally speaks. “I know how hard this is for you. Coming into a world that doesn’t make much sense, but I guess the fact that he never felt like he fit here played a big part in everything he did.”

“Fuck that, Sam!” There’s a snort from Sam and Bucky almost matches it. “All I would have needed to know is that Bucky is here. Home was never a place, Sam, home was always him. None of this makes any sense.”

“Maybe he finally figured that out if what you say is true, they got married.” Bucky hears a plate being sat on the table.

“I’m surprised that Bucky took him after having to watch him being married to Peggy. Why would he have married her? Don’t get me wrong, she was great and all, but I never felt like that about her.”

Everything in the kitchen freezes as does Bucky’s breathing. “Wait, in your timeline she wasn’t your great love?” There’s no answer. “Steve, what’s going on?”

There’s a heavy sigh. Bucky crosses his arms over his chest and leans into the wall. What the fuck is going on? “We were in New York for a couple of weeks after Project Rebirth. She took me to a…whatcha call it…diner?” There’s a pause and Bucky can only assume that Sam is nodding. “She introduced me to a waitress there named Angie. They had a thing.”

That’s all Bucky can stand. He rounds the corner. “What?”

Steve jumps up, coming to Bucky, cupping his face and kissing him. “Hi.”

Bucky fucking melts and almost forgets about the conversation. Almost. “Hi, to you too.” Steve pulls him to the table and fixes a cup of coffee for him. Sitting it in front of him, Steve takes his seat again. “Now, what is this about Agent Carter and a waitress?”

Steve blushes. Sam sits down, sipping his coffee and grabbing a piece of toast with bacon. “Well, it was…surprising, but they really seemed to love each other.” Steve puts bacon between two slices of toast and hands it to Bucky. Sam just shakes his head. “That’s why none of this really made any sense to me when I started talking to that other guy.” Bucky’s noticed that Steve can’t seem to call the other guy Steve. “We spent a couple of weeks together and it was obvious that he and that Bucky loved each other, so I couldn’t figure out how he ended up married to Peggy.”

Sam’s just watched the interaction between the two and Steve hasn’t let go of Bucky’s hand. If these two are like this with each other and the other two got married when the other Steve found that Bucky, maybe there was more going on than any of them understood. “Maybe, and I’m spitballing here, but could Peggy have been Steve’s beard and vice versa?”

Steve looks completely confused by that, but Bucky nearly chokes when it starts to make sense. “Holy shit!” He finishes chewing and looks at Steve. “Stevie, where are those letters you said you had?”

Steve gets up, still looking confused and goes to his case. Coming back to the table, he puts them in front of Bucky. Both are addressed to him. One in Steve’s writing and one in his own. “Buck, what’s happening? What does ‘beard’ mean?”

Bucky looks up into those blue eyes and smiles softly. He’ll never get over seeing this face again and he’ll never take for granted the way those eyes are looking at him. It’s all he’s ever wanted and never thought he’d have. “Sweetheart, a beard is…it means that Steve and Peggy were gay, but didn’t want anyone to know, so they pretended to love each other romantically to hide.”

Bucky picks up the first letter, the one from the other Steve. Looking up Sam nods and he opens the letter.

_Dear Bucky,_

_By now you’re probably knee deep in confusion, but I hope also happy. I know what I did by leaving put a wedge between us that can’t ever be fixed, but I hope by sending Steve your feelings about that are softer._

_I didn’t bring him out of the ice, even though I knew where to find him. I got the coordinates from Phil Coulson years ago. I made sure he stayed under the ice until it was time. Peg wasn’t a fan of the situation, but when I explained it to her, she let it go. That was one for the books, Peggy Carter not fighting back._

_A few months before I met Peggy at basic training, she’d already met and fell in love with Angie. You would have loved her. She was fiery and smart as a whip, but I’d expect nothing less from someone that Peggy loved. After Project Rebirth, there were a few weeks there when I wasn’t doing much of anything except being a lab rat. Peggy stayed and we talked. I think I spent the whole time talkin about you._

_Peggy figured it out and that’s when she took me to meet Angie. A few minutes with the two of them and I knew. I may have been naïve, but I was never stupid. Then she shipped out and Angie and I kept in contact and even went dancing a couple times. It worked out well for everyone. Then I headed off to Europe, but we wrote to each other. When I came back into contact with Peggy, she knew that Angie and I had become friends. They had hatched a plan and just needed me to get on board._

_After I rescued you, I had a long talk with Peggy. I told her that you’d never feel about me the way I felt about you, but I couldn’t see being with anyone else. Oh how I wanted you though. Every day of my life, I wanted you. Then you went off the side of the train and my world ended._

_I made a promise though, Bucky. When I went back to her, I was going back for more than just that. We rescued you from Hydra and he bought the house across the street from Peg. Peggy and I got married and Angie moved in. Everyone thought we were being a good friend to a struggling actress, but in truth, she and Peggy were more married than Peg and I ever were. I spent most nights those first years in the guest bedroom._

_So, that brings me to us._

_One night about two years into the marriage, Peggy and Angie were having an anniversary dinner and I went to sleep across the street at his place. Before I knew what was happening, he was kissing me and that’s all I needed. Don’t get the wrong idea, there was never any ‘sharing’ going on, but we did raise the kids together and most nights, unless we were on missions, I’d slip cross the street and spend the night with my husband._

_It was hard for all of us. Angie was diagnosed with cancer when she was only 58 and it took her pretty quick. Peggy was never the same after. I started spending more time trying to help her and he wasn’t getting as much of my time as a husband needs. He left and I didn’t know where and I didn’t look. That was at his request. But when Peg died, I had to find him._

_Coming back there was to give Sam the shield, but when I saw how angry you were, I knew it was time to go home and take care of you. I don’t think I knew how much you needed me until then and I should have found that Steve sooner, but I wasn’t sure you wanted it. You went through so much more than my Bucky and I didn’t know if you felt the same way._

_Your anger told me you did. I went home, found my Bucky waiting on my door step and we went to pull him out of the ice. Bucky and I didn’t have the lifetime we deserved, but what we did have was good. He’s my Bucky. And that Steve is your Steve. He loves you and didn’t make any bones about that._

_Build a life with each other and maybe, someday, think about me and know that I never meant to hurt you. I truly love you, but you’re still young and beautiful and deserve to have a life with someone that can keep up with you._

_Steve_

He hands the letter over to Steve and Sam pulls his chair closer to read with him. Bucky picks up the second letter. How strange to see his own writing looking back at him. Tearing it open, he reads.

_I don’t know how to address this because it’s too weird to write: Dear Bucky or Dear Me, so let’s just skip that part._

_From everything that Steve’s told me you suffered way more than I did. I don’t know how you did it cause buddy, I would have given up. I’ve read Steve’s letter so I know what you’ve already read, so I’m not going to waste your time trying to make you understand. I think you probably do understand because your first priority was always Steve._

_I’ve loved this shit since we were kids and when he rescued me from Hydra and explained Peggy and Angie, I knew it would be a hardship. When he came to my house that night, we were just listening to the radio and I asked him to prove to me that Angie had taught him to dance. One thing led to another and I was kissing the fool. That was our first night together and we spent very few apart after that._

_I can’t imagine if one of the neighbors ever looked out their window after 9 PM to see Steve sneaking across the street. Listen kid, you have a chance with that Steve. Build that life and don’t look back and don’t question anything about this situation._

_When Angie died, I thought Peggy was going to go too. It was heartbreaking and Steve did what he had to, to keep her afloat. When I left, it wasn’t because I didn’t love him anymore, it was because I did. She needed him and I knew he’d try to split his time between the two of us and that’s not what she needed. He needed to act the part. Leaving was my choice. I made sure he knew that I loved him and would be there when Peggy was better._

_No, I didn’t think it would take him as long as it did, but in the end, he came for me. We got married, finally, and then went to find Steve. I don’t know how many years we have left together, but any time is good. Don’t question any of this stuff, just grab hold of your Steve and don’t let go._

_Oh, and do me a favor. This guy Sam, he’s good and can be trusted to carry that shield. Don’t let Steve go back into that life for a little while. Keep him with you, keep him close, let him make an informed choice. Don’t let anyone drag him back into a life that he has a chance to walk away from._

_Take care of yourself, kid_

_The Old You_

Bucky hands the second letter over and sits quietly so Steve and Sam can read it through. He has to process all of this too. He has to ask himself how he’s supposed to do that. Everything he thought he understood and was justified in feeling is not at all what was really going on. He’s angry at himself, but also a little at the other Steve. Now he understands why his Steve was so vague last night when they were talking. He didn’t know any of this. Looking up, he sees Sam leaning back smiling and Steve looking up at Bucky hopeful.

“I’m not sure what to say.” Steve looks more confused by Bucky’s letter than the other Steve’s. He looks at Sam. “So, you’re Captain America?”

Sam smirks. “Yeah, for a few months now.” He quirks an eyebrow at Bucky. “It’s a sweet deal. Free stuff all the time, moving to the front of the line, people wanting selfies.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Would you stop trying to convince us that you’re an asshole?”

“What’s a selfie?”

“You don’t want to know because you’re never taking one.”

For the next week, Steve and Bucky hold up in his apartment. Between talking, introducing Steve to different foods, and seeing how sturdy the different surfaces of the apartment are, they don’t really need anything else. That is until Sam comes to see them with Pepper in tow.

She’s shocked and confused by Steve. They let her read the letters and she’s even more confused. Finally she looks at them. “Okay…well…I’m going to have all of Steve’s funds released so that he has access to them.” She wants to explain, but that will have to wait because that’s not what she came prepared to do. She looks at Bucky. “Sgt. Barnes, I came to see you and wasn’t expecting to find Steve, so I’ll have to get back to you with Steve’s account information later today.” Bucky nods and Pepper’s eyes slip over to Steve, he sees that whatever this is about he isn’t welcome.

“I’m gonna go for a walk. Sam you wanna join me?” As he gets up, Bucky grabs his hand. Steve just smiles down at him. “I won’t go far and I don’t think I should be here for whatever this is.”

Pepper looks ashamed. “I’m sorry Steve, you don’t know me and I’m coming off as rude.”

“It’s alright Mrs. Stark. You don’t know me either. We don’t have a history like the other guy.” He slips his shoes on and he and Sam wander down the street. “I kinda expected to see more of you this week.”

Sam chuckles. “I thought about it even headed over here once or twice, but decided to let you two get your shit together.”

Steve barks a laugh. “We’ve gotten our shit together a lot this week.”

Sam stops in the street. “Man, I did not need to know that.” Steve cackles. “I like this side of you. I’m not used to it. I met him after too much had happened and he’d lost the spark that you still have.”

“I hope we can be friends, Sam. I know I’m not him and no shared pasted few years, but I’d like to build something here.” Sam slings his arm around Steve’s shoulder and they walk for a bit.

“What makes you happy, Steve?” He remembers asking the other guy this and getting a very sad answer. He’s testing the difference, but this Steve doesn’t need to know that.

“Well…Bucky…Bucky’s always made me happy.” He thinks for a minute. “Art school made me happy. I wouldn’t mind going back. You think an old man like me can get into art school.”

As must as he respected and liked the other guy, he’s going to enjoy getting to know Steve Rogers without the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Man, I think you could get in anywhere. I’ll help you check into it if you want.”

“That’d be great.” They walk and talk for nearly an hour up and down the street. They only return when they see the car pull away from the apartment. Inside they find Bucky, sitting blankly on the sofa. “Buck?”

Steve goes to him, taking his hands and kneeling down to make eye contact. Tears track down the man’s face and Steve pulls him against his chest. “He forgave me.” Steve leans away and Bucky points at a letter sitting on the table.

Steve picks it up reading through the words of a man he didn’t know. Steve knows the story, in between their physical activities, heavy topics were discussed. “Bucky, I told you, that wasn’t you. I know you did it, I know you remember it, but that was never you.”

Sam sits. “He’s right Barnes. They had to force you to do something because it wasn’t part of your personality.”

Bucky nods. “There’s more though.” He picks up the other papers and hands it to Steve.

Steve reads through what’s there then looks at Bucky in complete and utter dismay. “Are you kidding me?”

Sam holds out his hand and Steve hands him the paper. Sam just smiles. “Like it or not Tony Stark made you part of the family.”

Sam throws the paper on the coffee table and while they talk about Tony to Steve, Bucky’s mind keeps wandering back to the paper. Tony Stark didn’t just forgive him, he made sure that Bucky would never be charged with any crimes, was given an honorable discharge from the army, recognized as the longest held POW in history, and set up an account with more money than Bucky could ever spend in 20 lifetimes.

That afternoon, Bucky gets an email from Pepper for Steve. His account is accessible and she sends everything he’ll need to log in. When Bucky shows him how to login, Steve nearly falls out of his chair when he sees the balance. According to the email, it’s the army back pay plus interest and everything Steve earned as an Avenger. “Bucky, is this right?”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah baby, it’s right. Between the two of us we can do anything we want. Hell, we could give half of it away and still do anything we want.”

Bucky watches as Steve’s eyes dilate and can’t figure out why money would turn him on. “Baby?”

Oh..oh well then. “Yes, baby. You don’t seem to mind.”

Steve tackles him on the couch, straddling his legs. “Didn’t say I minded, it’s just new. Never called me a pet name before. I like it.” The accounts are forgotten for the next several hours.

Six months have gone by and Steve starts art classes at NYU. Bucky goes to Pepper and asks if there’s a job that he can do for her. She’s surprised, but offers him a job vetting new employees. There’s been whispers of overseas companies looking to take over Stark Industries and the easiest way to do that is to have someone on the inside. She finds, to her delight, that he’s very good at getting the information he needs. She also understands that it might have to do with the fact that he’s got a reputation.

“I finished the interviews this morning and started going through the files of current employees. I think you might have a problem in R&D.” Bucky walks into Pepper’s office where she’s going through expense reports for the quarter.

Looking up, she smiles then frowns. He’s dressed in a blue suit with the shirt open at the collar. He may scare the hell out of new employees, but she’s come to realize that he’s really a big teddy bear, especially when Steve’s around. “What did you find?”

“You have a guy down there,” He checks the name. “Fredric Marks. Something about the guy doesn’t check out.” He hands the file over. Before he brings things like this to her, he always puts a file together with everything he knows.

She looks through everything he has, furrowing her brow. “I’m glad he doesn’t have access to some of Tony’s,” She stops, choking for just a second. “Some of Tony’s research.”

“When the red flag went up, I locked him out of most of the systems. Even his own research, which according to his paperwork is Stark property.” He’s got that twinkle of mischief that she’s come to appreciate.

She smirks. “How long before you hear from him, do you think?”

“Oh, not too long. He’s on his way up.” She snorts a laugh and Bucky feels accomplished that he made her snort.

Steve arrives home that night to soft music and something coming from the kitchen that smells incredible. “Buck? I’m home.”

Bucky comes out of the kitchen in sweats and a tee. He folds Steve into a hug and just holds him. In the six months since he came, Bucky hasn’t taken Steve’s presence for granted. The fear that he might disappear lives daily in the front of his mind. “Missed you today.”

Steve leans away, kissing the tip of Bucky’s nose. “Did you? Well, I guess it’s good that I don’t have class tomorrow.”

Bucky pulls him into the kitchen where the table is ready for dinner. “I guess it is.” As they eat, Bucky can tell that Steve has something he wants to say, but is figuring out how to get it out. Laying his fork down, he folds his hands on the table, and fixes Steve with a look. “Okay, punk, what’s got your brain going too fast?”

Steve stops eating, looking forlornly at Bucky. “Today, when I went to get coffee between classes, I saw something. At first I got really scared for them then I remembered. It was unbelievable and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, explain what you saw, baby.” Steve had started talking and the words just seemed to be running over each other.

“I saw two guys and one of them proposed to the other one and it…Bucky it just…I don’t know.” He’s flushed and nervous.

It hits Bucky between the eyes. “Baby, do you want to get married?” His insides flutter and then proceed to jump around like a kid in a bouncy castle.

“I…well…yeah.” Steve finally looks up, meeting Bucky’s eyes. “I do.”

Buck grins, pushing away from the table. Steve expects him to assault him with kisses, but instead, the brown haired, blue eyed beauty kneels down next to his chair. “Well alright then. Steven Grant Rogers, you’ve been my light, my constant, my world for longer than I can remember. I want to spend every day with you until our days are done. Will you marry me?”

Steve barks out a laugh, taking Bucky’s face in his cupped hands. “I will marry you anytime, anywhere.”

Bucky looks up into Steve’s eyes from his kneeling position. “Well now, I guess I gotta get you a ring tomorrow.”

Steve slides from the chair and onto the floor, straddling Bucky’s legs. “I guess you do.”


End file.
